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U.S. MALE

SONG LYRICS

Words & Music by Stefan Marks

Words & Music by Stefan Marks

Last night I chased a fire-breathing dragon. I chased him to the top of a cliff over-looking the ocean. He said why did you chase me I’m a fire-breathing dragon. And I said Big Deal. So what ? Who cares. Big Woop.

And then he Breeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeathed! And I burst into flames and then I fell into the ocean.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Spwishhhhhhhhhh Blub..

Words & Music by Stefan Marks

Well I’m afraid some things are gonna have to change. Because frankly things just can’t stay this way. We’re tired of singin’ for free. We wanna make lots of money. Doesn’t everybody? Heyyyyyyyy? Are you listnin?

Ohhh say can you see? Nobody’s looking. By the dawn’s early light. Nobody’s listening. How’m I gonna get everyone to see me? They won’t put me on MTV. Just imagine how famous we could beeeee? Are you listnin?

I just wanna be the world’s most famous human. I want everybody to want to be like me. Everybody listnin to our songs. Everybody singin’ along. And everybody singing on keyyyy…. Are you listnin?

Words & Music by Stefan Marks

I asked you if you loved me and you said why? Wrong answer—

Words & Music by Stefan Marks

S.W.P. Single white postman who hates the taste of glue is looking for some desirable young woman to lick his stamp cause he’s got a letter to mail, if you know what I mean…

I always wanted to be an astronaut. I’d fly up high in a rocket and land on the moon. I’d bring three of my friends and a nerf and have a slow-motion football game… And we’d Never….Ever have to leave…‘cept maybe for AIR.

I always wanted to be Superman. I wouldn’t waste my time lookin’ thru things or flying’ around the world. I’d become a professional boxer and I’d beat people up for money. And I’d never ever lose… POW, BAM, ZIP, SPLAT…Go tiger!

I always wanted to be a lumberjack. I’d wear a wool cap, a plaid shirt and an old pair of blue jeans. Oh I’d live in a forest but there’s one thing I’d never do. No I’d never, ever chop down trees. And if I ever caught anyone chopping down a tree, I’d hit em’ hard in the face with my axe. Timber! Shut-up! Sorry.

I always wanted to be a post-man. I’d drive in a jeep then I’d walk down the streets of my neighborhood. Oh I’d drop off mail and I’d pick up letters from the boxes with the red flags. Then I’d go home and read all your mail. And steal all your checks…But seriously...

I always wanted to be… God. I’d be in charge of the only planet with humans. I’d get rid of em’ all except for this girl I know (and me) and I’d spend the rest of my life chasing her and catching her and (——) her.

I always wanted to beeeeeeeeeeeeee…

Words & Music by Stefan Marks

Words & Music by Stefan Marks

I hear the ghosts of the butchered Indians riding their horses down the boulevards. Setting up their tee-pee’s on the sidewalks. Waitin’ for the rain.

I hear the ghosts of the butchered Indians dancing in the streets and singing their songs. Waitin’ for the rain.

There’s a knock at my door and I open it up. There’s a ghost standin’ there so I let him in. He’s a big tall man with copper skin.Colorful feathers and I can see right thru him.

He says I am the chief of the butchered Indians. We have come to take our land back. Oh we’re just waitin’ for the rain.

I look out the window. Lookin’ up at the sky. The storms clouds are forming. The rain starts to fall. I turn to the chief, but he’s no longer there. He’s outside dancin’ in the rain.

Down in the streets rivers of people float down the avenues. When will the rain stop?

Words & Music by Ken Weiler

Words & Music by Stefan Marks

I don’t know my name anymore. I’m not sure what I do for a living. All I know is I like you. Yes I know that I doooooooooo.

I don’t even know who you are. I don’t mean to stare but I can’t seem to look away. All I know is I like you. Yes I know that I doooooooooooo.

Words & Music by Stefan Marks

Do you suppose vampires are more attracted to women who are menstruating? I know I am.

Well I don’t wanna kiss you so don’t bother to pucka. Tilt your head to one side here comes my teeth I’m gonna suckya. I like my women dead and full of blood ’cause I’m a nighttime plasma-suckin’ vampire stud. I can’t stop suckin’ once I start. Oh the only way to slow me, st’ run a stake through my heart.

Ooh that feels good, EVERYBODY! Ok, just me.

Well by day I drive me a mailman jeep. And everybody thinks that I’m a brainless creep. But when the sun drops low and the moon sits high I become one lean mean blood-eatin’ vampire guy. Don’t give me no cross and don’t give me no pain. Just lie there and moan and let me suck on your veins.

Cause I’m a blood suckin’ postman. Yes I’m a blood-suckin’ postman. And I really, really, really don’t wanna be alone tonight.

Well babe you’re lookin’ just a little-bit frigid. I think the rigormortis has made you rigid. Let me put you near the fire to warm you up. And once your blood’s nice and hot babe it’s suck, suck, suck. And while I wait for your tissues to soften I’ll take me a nap in my fur-lined coffin.

What am I howlin’ for? Werewolves howl.

Oh when the sun comes up and the rooster starts a crowin’, I’ll be outside in my postal jeep with nobody knowin’ I’m a blood-suckin’, mail-droppin’, fang-barrin’, jeep-drivin’, red, white and blue but mostly red blood-suckin’ postman.

Words & Music by Stefan Marks

Thirty one cents is all it takes to kill a man in the electric chair A loaf of bread is fifty nine.

Do you ever feel like you’re living a cartoon? Do you ever feel like you’re living on the moon?

Words & Music by Stefan Marks

Well you can find love in my apartment but you’ll never find a glove in my glove compartment cause I don’t believe in keepin’ things that don’t belong. Are you with me so far? Good. Ok. Workin’ in the post office everyday wo makes me just a little bit ANGRY. I wanna go to a place I’ve never been and have everybody turn and say HEY it’s him. Well I wake up early cause I can’t sleep. I ain’t got time for countin’ sheep. I gotta get outside and load my jeep I’m a postman. #1, #2, #3. Postman, letterman, call me what you wanna call me mainman bossman man who can #1 M-A-L-E M-A-N I’m a MALEMAN.

Oh ooh kooka la kooka lay kooka locka locka lo kooka lay kooka la la lo. Ooh kooka lay kooka lakooka locka locka lo kooka lay kooka locka locka lo lo. Ooh kooka lay kooka la kooka locka locka lo kooka lay kooka locka locka lo. Ooh kooka locka locka lay kooka locka locka lo kooka locka locka lo

Well you can tell a man by what he looks like but you better tell a man by what he says and what he does cause if he doesn’t say nothing he ain’tworth a damn and if he don’t do nothin’ don’t do nothin’ for him. If he don’t do nothin’ don’t do nothin’ for him. If he don’t do nothin’ if he don’t do nothin’ if he don’t do nothin’ don’t do nothin’ for him. Well ish biddily oden doden boo boppin be boppin boppin fresh fresh bubblegum icky bicky boo. That’s what we say when there’s nothing to say but this is what we do when there’s nothing to do well.

Praise the Lord she’s the mailman’s daughter Praise the Lord she’s the one that I love.

She said she was gonna leave me I said that’s all right with me cause if she leaves me, I’ll leave her too and that’s all I ever really wanted. She’s the one that I want dear. She’s the one that I need. She’s the one that I want BABE and I think she wants me. But even if she don’t babe I still won’t be back for you no I won’t be back for you. No No No, baby. Cause even if she don’t want me I sure as hell don’t want youoooooooooooooooo. I don’t want youoooooo.

Words & Music by Ken Weiler

I’m your man. You’re my woman. I love you and you love me too. So why are you leaving me this way?

I’m so blue, I’m feeling green. My baby’s gone and I need some cream. Cause my coffee’s too hot and my baby she’s not around.

So strange my baby’s back in my mind. Why can’t she be you? So strange my baby’s back in my mind.

I’m so blue, I’m feeling green. My baby’s gone and I’m gonna scream. Not only did she leave me but she swore she’d never see me unless I got down on my knees and let her make me bleed.

So strange my baby’s back in my mind. Why can’t she be you? So strange my baby’s back in my mind.

Words & Music by Stefan Marks

Our team is what? Red hot! Our team is what? Red hot! Our team is R-e-d Red H-O-T and once we start we can’t be stopped RED HOT. RED HOT.

Our team is what? Red hot! Our team is what? Red hot! Our team is R-e-d Red H-O-T and once we start we can’ t be stopped – ooh baby baby ooh baby baby ooh baby baby ooh baby ooh.

I said a bricka braka fire cracka sis boom bah. Bugs Bunny Bugs Bunny rah-rah rah! Whoop there it is! Whoop there it is!

Ish-nay atten-fay better go the other way, up-down in-out better give another shout! Ahhhhh! Ahhhhh!

Strawberry shortcake banana split! We think your team’s full of—shift to the left shift to the right stand up sit down fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fightttt!

Ice cold beer makes me wanna CHEER! Ice cold gin, makes me wanna win! Ice cold duck makes me wanna Ooompa ooompa oompah dee doo I got another st—

Our team is what? Red hot! Our team is what? Red hot! Our team is R-e-d Red H-O-T and once we start we can’t be stopped RED HOT. RED HOTTTT!

George, George of the jungle, friend to you and me, a huh a huh a huh a George, George, George of the jungle, watch out for that…TREE!

Words & Music by Stefan Marks

I’m sitting in the shower listening to the drops. I run down stairs—have some barley pops B-A-R-L-E-Y P-O-P-P-S. BARLEY POPS YUM.

Jumping them haystacks two by two, doing all the things that the farm boys do. We’ll milk the cows and clean the stalls. Pee-yoo. Whoops that stinks. We’ll milk the cows and clean the stalls, then we’ll squash the cats with medicine balls.

Cause we’re farm boys. We ain’t got no brains. We got rocks in our heads and dirt in our veins.

Bippity bop to the square dance rock. Do wah doobidy wah bah. Bippity bop to the square dance rock. Do wah doobidy wah bah. Bippity bop to the square dance rock. Bippity bop to the square dance rock.

Well pa got mad just the other day. They shipped his cow to Paraguay.

# 2 (Moo…)

# 3 (Hello Mr. Cow, welcome to Paraguay. Passport please.)

# 2 (But I’m just a cow. Moooooo…)

Oh give me a home where the staple crops grow and the shade seldom visits the land ba-da-la-da-la-da-la. We sweat and we stink as our skin cracks and shrinks and the blisters explode on our hands.

Cow milkin’ is the thing for me. Oh shoe shufflin’ fills me heart with glee. Farm livin’ is the life for we, oh don’t you just love us corn-fed rappin’ boys.

So we rode our ponies to the local saloon sportin’ ten-gallon hats made of slaughtered raccoon. At night when ma mends me socks with yarn I take sally-sue and we skip to the barn. I said a skip I said a skip I said a skip a to my Lou Sue! Woo-hoo!

We’ll milk the cows and we’ll shuffle some shoe til’ we fall in the hay pitchin’ passionate Woo-woo-woo.

Cause we’re farm boys we ain’t got no brains we got rocks in our heads and dirt in our veins.

Bippity bop to the square dance rock do wah doobidy wah bah. Bippity bop to the square dance rock do wah doobidy wah bah. Bippity bop to the square dance rock. Bippity bop to the square dance rock.

Well the moral of this story as you can see is to get yourself a life and live happily…

Words & Music by Ken Weiler

Words & Music by Matt Kaminsky & Stefan Marks

Words & Music by Stefan Marks

Words & Music by Stefan Marks

After we get a good night’s sleep we wake up and shower and shave and jump in our jeeps. Then we head on down to the ole’ P.O. (Post office that is.) They load us up and off we go (Rrrrrrr.)

Do you know who we are (WHO) We’re the mailmen of this town. But do you know what we do (WHAT?) We deliver all the mail. (Huh-ho, Huh-ho) We deliver all the mail. (Huh-ho, Huh-ho) We deliver all the mail.

© 1993 The Four Postmen Music Publishing (ASCAP)

Recorded and Engineered in 2 days by Peter Damski (in his living room)

Cover Art by Ethan Kaminsky – Kaminsky Productions

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